Speaking as a military man, I can tell you that there is much wrong with modern civilian society. Chief among my many complaints about noncombatants is their approach to grammar in education.
Simply put, one is taught how to write in primary school and what to write in high school. In high school, the rules of language are abandoned in favour of more fashionable educational priorities. Preposterous.
Modern recruits finish formal training and arrive in the real world – and in my ranks by Jove – with potentially lethal operational issues in their writing. I concede that high school is demanding and difficult. Univeristy and non-military ‘careers’ even more so. There just isn’t the time for grammar drills. Well there bloody well ought to be.
Commander Comma’s Correction Collection is aimed at cadets and seasoned soldiers alike. By focussing first on the most common problems, we aim to build a more effective and professional unit. Then, by supplying an ongoing and lasting operational presence in the field, we will transform this muddle of malapropism and misplaced apostrophe into a clearer, more magniloquent military machine.
Remember - it's all about positiivty. If you encounter a sudden syntax insurgency in the field, lower your attitude. Maintain eye contact and remember your training. Avoid escalation. Nobody wants a hostile apostrophe catastrophe.
Take Thursday's lesson for example. As you are no doubt aware, Mrs Comma has insisted that I take on this part time teaching job, mostly - I'd assume - to get me out of the house. I had embarked on a short one hour speech on the superiority of the Spitfire in a dogfight, when one of the little miscreants in front of me put up her hand.
'Excuse me, Mr. Comma,' she said.
I looked at her.
'That's Commander Comma if you don't mind, young lady.'